(Verse 1)
Kitty is a very civil servant
Obedient, obsessively observant
She loves her government organisation
Working in public administration

(Verse 2)
In order to serve Her Majesty
Kitty studied to obtain a Royal degree
A Diploma in the art of Diplomacy
For a lifetime buried in bureaucracy
For she is...

(Chorus)
Kitty Categorical
Queen of all things clerical
Has to be methodical
To the point of clinical
She’s Kitty Categorical
Statistical, strategical
Never gets hysterical
She’s Kitty Categori-cal

(Verse 3)
To store the vast amounts of data
Requires a floor of several acres
Of cabinets that stretch from wall to wall
‘Tis where our Kitty’s desk has been installed
For she is....

(Chorus)
Kitty Categorical
Queen of all things clerical
Has to be methodical
To the point of clinical
She’s Kitty Categorical
Statistical, strategical
Never gets hysterical
She’s Kitty Categori-cal

(Bridge – spoken in rhyme)
Clever Kitty cat
Sitting on the mat
Waiting patiently to catch her rat
Now is the chance
She makes her advance
Oh what fun, it can be
When you work for H.M.R.C!

(Verse 4)
Although she files from dawn ‘til dusk
A strainuously repetitive task
But Kitty knows where everything should be
Which is why she has developed OCD!
For she is...

(Chorus)
Kitty Categorical
Queen of all things clerical
Has to be methodical
To the point of clinical
She’s Kitty Categorical
Statistical, strategical
Never gets hysterical
That would be illogical!
She’s Kitty Categorical
Little Ms Analytical
Thinks in alphabetical
Her dreams are chronological
She’s Kitty Categorical
Time keeping fanatical
Systematical, Secretarial
She’s Kitty Categori......cal!

(Bridge – spoken in rhyme Sergeant Major style!)
V............A.T.
C............G.T.
P.A.........Y.E.
In the H.M.....R.C!